Birth Pangs of the Coming Age | Chapter 2

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Previously . . . After her release from the hospital, Katie’s Uncle Andy is flying her from Ketchikan back to Kataan village. As she strapped into the copilot’s seat she flashed-back to the last time she rode in the copilot seat with Uncle Andy—the flight that made her an orphan.

Chapter Two

Shame, Rejection, and Hope

Saturday, August 20th, Ketchikan, Alaska

“You ready?” Andy’s voice yanked Katie out of her flashback and back to reality.

She nodded, and he looked ahead for takeoff. When he pushed the throttle forward for maximum power, the engine roared. Katie felt its vibration, and the plane’s acceleration pressed her back in her seat.

As their speed increased, the sound of the floats cutting through the water grew as loud as the engine itself. At 60 knots, Andy pulled back on the control yoke, lifting the floats out of the water. The only sound remaining was the growling engine as they ascended into the sky.

They climbed 1000 feet in just one minute, reaching just below a smooth layer of gray clouds. As Andy eased the yoke forward to lower the nose, he pulled the throttle back, reducing the noise by half. Then he turned west towards Kataan.

Flying straight and level below the clouds, he looked at her and said, “Here, take the controls.”

She felt a burst of excitement as she cautiously grasped the yoke and put her feet on the rudder pedals.

The wings wobbled at first, but she quickly got the feel of it. As she found her rhythm, Andy saw her smile. He crossed his arms and said, “Just as I expected. You’re a natural pilot, just like your dad.”

The flight controls hummed with the constant vibration produced by the engine and the airflow passing over the plane’s skin at 120 knots. It’s like the plane is alive.

Katie grinned. It feels natural. I could do this.

Andy pointed to the compass on the instrument panel.

“Keep heading 280 degrees and stay just below the clouds. You’re doing great.”

As they approached Kataan, he took control.

She looked down at Kataan village with anticipation. Kataan looked beautiful to Katie. She was going home, eager to be just another teenager in high school again.

Kataan village sits at the end of a cove, a finger of ocean inserting itself into the mountainous island’s coastline. Thousands of years ago, Alaskan natives settled in this cove because it provided a natural, safe harbor for their fishing boats.

On the other side of their island, across the mountains, unobstructed, gale-force Pacific Ocean winds, all the way from Japan and the Aleutians, generated enormous waves taller than a six-story building. But the mountains shielded Kataan from the winds and the open ocean, so waves never exceeded two feet high in the cove, even during the worst winter storms.

Their floatplane smoothly touched down near the village, arriving at the seaplane dock right on schedule.

Auntie Ella politely greeted them at the dock, then they walked about a quarter-mile to her home, where Katie lived since 2008.

Auntie Ella was Katie’s father’s sister. As her closest relative, she became Katie’s legal guardian after her parents’ death. And when Katie’s mother died, Auntie Ella also became the Kataan village clan leader.

As they walked, Katie saw villagers she’d known for years who acted like they didn’t know her. I’ve only been gone three months. Are they acting weird, or is it my imagination?

As Katie unpacked in her room, Andy sat at the dinner table while Ella prepared a pot of tea for the three of them.

Auntie’s behavior seems distant. Is something on her mind? She’d always been kind and nurturing towards me, but she was never one to express her affection openly.

This was the first time in eight years I’ve been away for any length of time. Maybe she grew accustomed to solitude. Maybe she just needs time to readjust to having me home again.

Katie joined them for tea, dressed in moccasins, jeans, and a cotton blouse.

After saying his farewells, Andy departed with well wishes and a promise to pray for Katie. As he left, Katie heard rain pattering on Ella’s metal roof.

About a half-hour later, they heard a plane taking off and climbing. After a minute, the sound halved when he reduced his throttle, then it faded until there was silence in the house.

An awkward quiet dominated their afternoon. As the smell of fish soup filled the cabin, Katie set the table with Ella’s mismatched dishes and utensils while Auntie finished cooking their dinner.

Katie placed bowls full of steaming rice and boiled seaweed at each of their place settings. In the center of the table, Ella poured steaming broth from a large stainless steel pot into a brown clay serving bowl. In the bowl, the broth had a shiny, golden color, with a thick layer of salmon oil floating on the surface. Then she used tongs to move a salmon’s head and chunks of fish from the pot into the bowl.

Auntie prayed for God’s blessing on their meal, then they took turns ladling the fish-head broth, vegetables, and chunks of salmon over their rice and seaweed.

Silence continued through dinner. After they’d both eaten their fill, Katie said, “Auntie, I’ve missed your home cooking. Thank you for this delicious dinner.”

Her aunt nodded in acknowledgment. Then she broke her silence.

“Katie, in our small village, rumors spread like wildfire. I want to ask you about some things I’ve been hearing. People are talking about your life in Ketchikan and your stay in the hospital.”

Oh, no! Does the entire village know what I’ve done?

“Auntie,” Katie said, looking down to avoid eye contact, “I don’t know what people are saying. I’m just glad to be home and I’m looking forward to a fresh start of a new school year on Monday.”

“Katie, when I let you go to Ketchikan to work for the summer, you promised you’d be good. You promised you wouldn’t do anything to bring shame to our family. Did you keep these promises?”

Katie hung her head even more, pondering how to answer.

She was genuinely sorry for the choices she’d made, and she’d already learned a lifelong lesson through their consequences. But she couldn’t change the past. There was no benefit in admitting the things she’d done, but neither could she deny them. Unable to find her voice, tears dropped into her soup.

“Please tell me the village rumors are false. Did you really share a bed with a white boy in Ketchikan? And why were you in the hospital?”

“I’m sorry Auntie. I truly am!” Katie admitted, catching her breath in-between sobs.

“Why were you in the hospital?”

“I had an emergency loss of blood.”

“What caused your loss of blood? Did you have an abortion?”

Her aunt’s words hung heavy in the air, each one a dagger piercing Katie’s heart. The weight of her shameful secret crushed Katie’s soul. But when she looked into Aunt Ella’s shocked and accusing eyes, she couldn’t avoid the truth any longer.

Katie broke down and confessed, “I felt trapped. I had to do it!”

Ella shook her head in shock and disbelief. “I refused to believe the terrible rumors about you, but now I see they were all true.”

She met Katie’s gaze with a controlled and deliberate stare. Her words were calculated as she delivered her verdict. Her fist pounded the table like a gavel.

“You brought dishonor and shame upon our clan. Your mother and father would be horrified and disgraced by what you’ve done, and who you’ve become. You’ll never make anything of yourself!”

With those words, Katie’s world shattered, and she couldn’t bear to stay in Auntie’s presence another second. She burst out the door, ignoring the dark rain and her lack of protection from the cold. Wandering aimlessly on dark gravel roads, she stumbled upon a hidden spot. She collapsed onto the wet ground, leaning against a tree as a backrest, not caring about anything anymore.

Overwhelmed with shame, she whispered to herself, “I’m worthless. Please God, just let me die.”

The combination of cool night air, rain, and a slight breeze sucked the heat out of her body, resulting in hypothermia. She shivered uncontrollably, but she welcomed it.

A dog from a house nearby must’ve caught her scent, because it started barking.

Stop barking!

The barking continued as Katie shivered. I’m worthless. God, let me die.

As she descended into unconsciousness, she saw herself lost in a dark maze. Unfamiliar with the place, she didn’t know the way out. Lost in a strange dark place, she panicked.

Suddenly, a radiant figure appeared, emanating a comforting, protective aura. He didn’t speak. Instead, her father’s angel¹ communicated his thoughts and feelings directly to her mind, assuring her he loved her, that God always watches over her with unconditional love, and that she has a purpose and destiny to fulfill in her life.

As he took her hand, his love and peace washed over her, comforting her. He led her out of the dark maze into a vibrant, sun-drenched field, which initially blinded Katie with its brightness.

Her eyes quickly adjusted. The sky was a clear blue. A sea of colors danced with the breeze, with wildflowers and groves of fruitful trees stretching for miles. As they walked, a bird serenaded them, its song like a mockingbird’s. The aroma of wildflowers mixed with the fresh scent of grass and earth, filling Katie with wonder and serenity.

It’s so beautiful! I could stay here forever.

The dog’s barking woke her, but she wasn’t annoyed. The angel’s love still surrounded her, making her forget her cold and shivering.

In fact, she no longer felt connected to her physical body. Is this what dying feels like? It’s not so bad, especially if it means returning to that heavenly meadow.

In her delirious state, Katie thought she was dreaming when a light illuminated a porch and yard nearby. A man emerged with an umbrella and shotgun, seeking the cause of his dog’s agitation. He attached a leash, and the dog led the man straight to Katie.

Saturday, August 20th, 10:23 pm, Kataan, Alaska

As she woke up, Katie felt like she was rocking, gently swaying, enclosed in warmth. Is this another dream? Am I dead?

She slowly opened her eyelids to see Anna Kusteel’s familiar face close to hers.

The comforting warmth of an electric blanket enveloped her body, while the crackling sound and smell of a wood stove filled the air. Anna rocked her in her arms, as if she were a baby, and Katie couldn't help but feel safe and loved in that moment.

Anna said, “So, Katie, you’re awake. You’re safe now. Just relax and papa will get you a cup o’ hot peppermint tea to warm you up.”

Anna’s husband, David Kusteel, brought a third chair and Katie’s tea into the room. “I’ll sit in this chair and you can have the rocker when you’re ready.” He placed her steaming tea within reach of the empty rocking chair.

David returned to the kitchen. Katie heard him phoning Auntie Ella, informing her that Katie was at their home, she was safe, and she’d be staying overnight.

Katie remembered her last moments of cold, wet consciousness. Then she realized she wasn’t wet. She was dry and warm, from head to toe. “My clothes. Where…”

“You were almost gone to heaven when papa brought you in. We had to get you out of those cold, wet clothes so we could bring you back. We put you in my flannel pajamas for now. Your clothes will be dry in the morning.”

Katie saw her dripping-wet clothes, panties, and bra hanging on the indoor clothesline behind the wood stove. Katie then imagined the old couple stripping off her wet clothes.

As if Anna could read her mind, she said, “Don’t worry, I needed Papa to help me, but he averted his eyes at the right times.”

Relieved, Katie smiled, nodding in appreciation for their discretion and care.

Five minutes later, Katie was fully awake. She said, “I think I’m ready to move into the rocker.” She roused herself and tried to stand, but her knees buckled. David and Anna each grabbed an arm and helped Katie into the rocker.

“Thanks.”

Katie wrapped her hands around the warm mug, steam rising from the cup. The minty aroma of the tea filled the room, mingling with the scent of wood smoke from the stove.

The tea brought warmth to Katie's body, and she savored every sip. She soon felt warm enough to remove the blanket from around her.

Out of the corner of her eye, Katie saw Anna nod at David, as if to say, “Go ahead.”

He said, “Katie, we’ve known each other a long time, and you’ve always been a special little girl to Annie and me. So, why were you out in the rain tonight? You don’t seem to be injured, so why didn’t you go to your Auntie’s house?”

Katie’s face fell, her expression mirroring the dark rain clouds above. She braced herself for rejection once again.

Katie stared at the wood stove. “Have you heard the rumors going around the village about my time in Ketchikan?”

Anna responded, “Yes, dear, we've heard some things. Are they related to what happened to you tonight?”

So, they’ve heard the gossip, but she stilled called me ‘dear.’ Maybe I can open up to them. Maybe they won’t hate and reject me.

“Auntie said I was a disgrace to the clan, that my mother and father would be ashamed of me, and I’ll never amount to anything.”

“So you left your Auntie’s?”

“Yes, I was so ashamed. I couldn’t stay there anymore. I’m ashamed of myself and I’m sorry, but I can’t change what I’ve done. Now everyone knows what a terrible person I am, and the village won’t ever let me forget it.”

All three took a pensive sip of tea, digesting what Katie had just said.

David said, “Katie, I’ve got good news and bad news for you.”

“First, the bad news. It’s true that you’re a sinner who’s done terrible things, and you can’t undo what you’ve done. You’re also correct in thinking your fellow-sinners in this village won’t let you forget your actions.”

“But here’s the good news. People still love you, and Jesus died to forgive everything you’ve done. He paid for all our sins, and if you ask him to, he will forgive you and never mention those sins again. His Spirit will make you a new person, with a new, eternal life. You’ll have fellowship with other forgiven sinners, like me and Anna, who’ve asked Jesus to forgive the terrible sins we’ve committed. The only difference between your sins and ours is, the village doesn’t know what our terrible sins were.”

Anna said, “Yes, that’s right papa.”

Katie appreciated the kindness and grace the Kusteels showed her, but she knew it wouldn’t change how she was viewed by most people in the village.

“I know God loves me and he will forgive me for my sins. But I don’t think the people in this village will be so kind, at least not until I make something out of my life.”

The Kusteels acknowledged Katie's situation with silent nods, but they didn't have a solution to offer.

After a full minute, Katie’s face lit up, and she blurted out an idea. “I know! Maybe I could go back to Ketchikan and stay with my Uncle Andy until I finish high school?”

The idea instantly resonated with David, who said, “I know Pastor Andy in Ketchikan. If you want me to, before church tomorrow, I’ll meet with your Auntie and ask if she’d be willing to support that option. If so, after church, we can ask Andy if he’s willing.”

A glimmer of hope rose within her that she’d finally be able to escape her past. Katie said, “Yes, please ask them.” She envisioned starting her junior school year in Ketchikan with a clean slate. Her hopes grew with every waking hour.

August 21st

In his morning sermon, Pastor David Kusteel preached from Jesus’ parable² comparing the self-righteous Pharisee with a humble, repentant Tax Collector. The tax collector went home forgiven, but God did not forgive the self-righteous Pharisee.

With Katie seated next to Anna Kusteel near the front row, his congregation all knew Pastor David’s implication—they were the Pharisees, while Katie was the tax collector.

After church, David completed the initial arrangements between Auntie Ella and Uncle Andy Byrne.

Andy flew into Kataan in mid-afternoon.

With Katie’s school year starting the next day, David arranged an impromptu Sunday meeting between Auntie Ella, Uncle Andy, Katie, and the Kataan magistrate. In the meeting, Ella transferred Katie’s legal guardianship to Andy.

Afterward, Auntie Ella, Uncle Andy, and the Kusteels helped Katie load all her belongings into Andy’s floatplane.

Although Auntie Ella still seemed distant, her participation told Katie that she’d heard pastor David’s message and taken it to heart.

With the engine running barely above idle, Andy steered the plane away from the dock, directing it toward the cove’s mouth. From the copilot seat, Katie waved goodbye to her loved ones, both family and friends.

Andy pushed the throttle forward. They sped away, leaving Kataan — and her past — behind. Andy took her east to Ketchikan, with the hope of a fresh start.

Footnotes:

1. Her father’s angel? There’s a lot we don’t understand about angels, and a lot of traditions about them aren’t Biblical. And the same thing can be said about what happens to saints after they die. This is a fictional story, and I’m not trying to create a new doctrine, or kill anyone’s sacred cow, but there are Biblical precedents showing that a dead believer can appear later as an angel (lit., a messenger) to people in our realm. Here are two examples.

1. When Peter was miraculously released from prison in Acts 12:6-16, the disciples didn’t believe it was really him at the door. They assumed he was dead. In Acts 12:15 of the ESV, “they kept saying, ‘It is his angel!’”

2. Moses died, but later appeared in glory with Jesus at his transfiguration. See Matthew 17:3 and Mark 9:4

2. The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector is in Luke 18:9-14